F.E.A.R. (Find Equanimity And Recover)



F.E.A.R.

(Find Equanimity And Recover)


I was asked to write an article for an addictions publication on, “Reasons Why Addicts Lie.” I chuckled when I read the assignment because well, first off, all humans can lie, not just addicted individuals. The label “addict” puts a poor taste in my mouth (I talk about labels and stigmatizing more in my new book, Yoga of Rehab—stay tuned).


Back to my point, anyone who has experienced fear has the capacity to lie. Why? Simply put, lying stems from

  1. Fear of not getting what you want, or

  2. Fear of losing what you already have.

In reality, you can’t lose what is for you and you cannot keep what’s not for you. I once had a relationship expert tell me, “You can’t do the wrong thing with Mr. Right and you can’t do the right thing with Mr. Wrong.” It’s so true. What is for you will always be for you. Where is the notion of fear if you understand this to be true?

You can’t lose what is for you and you cannot keep what’s not for you.

Most traditional programs emphasize the importance of honesty in recovery. I’m not talking about honesty toward others. Above all, it’s about self-honesty. Who are you actually deceiving when you lie? You’re not doing yourself a service by lying; you’re only short-changing yourself. I once had a therapist tell me, “I can’t help you if you are not honest with me.” I was in the


depths of my active addiction at the time and denial was blocking me from seeing the truth. That therapist, bless her heart, was absolutely correct.


You can’t help yourself without honest self-evaluation, and if you can’t help yourself, how are you able to show up productively in life? In my clinical work, I highly encourage clients to step back, evaluate, and glean more awareness, for however long necessary. It goes back to knowing yourself first so you are able to clearly decipher what you want and move from a more empowered stance.

I had to get really honest with myself about what wasn’t working. That clarity led to being more empowered and equipped to move forward.

As I write on this topic, it reminds me of my recent self-analysis in my own yogic path. I had to get really honest with myself about what wasn’t working. That clarity led to being more empowered and equipped to move forward in a better way. I took a step back from my asana practice which actually made my physical practice better when I did return to it. Not only did I enjoy it more, I felt more embodied and in tune with myself. It didn’t feel like an athletic activity so much as compassionate self-care.


I also dove back into Ayurveda — yoga and Ayurveda are complimentary paths to Self-realization. In Ayurveda, the doshas are simply fluctuations of subtle energies that are constantly shifting, naturally moving toward the individual’s most harmonious state; nature inherently restores itself. Ayurveda is a tool to keep the body or “instrument” healthy for the purpose of enlightenment. Consider addictions to chemicals and substances like alcohol and drugs an ineffective, unnatural method to achieving happiness and harmony. The body-mind-spirit complex is equipped with an innate wisdom to bring itself back into balance through natural means, as nature is able to bring itself back into balance.


Yoga and Ayurveda are complimentary paths to Self-realization. Ayurveda is a tool to keep the body or “instrument” healthy for the purpose of enlightenment.

Returning to my assignment, addicted or not, I can’t really speak on what motivates people to make certain choices (positive or negative) because I’m not in their headspace. I do know that honest self-appraisal is a path to freedom—freedom from fear and addiction.


Find balance, find freedom.



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